What a way to spend your 1 month!

Little Miss Allie is now 1 month old!! I can't believe how big she's gotten and how fast time is flying by!

She had quite the eventful 1 month!

On Friday, I decided to call the nurse at her peds office to ask about her choking/breathing issues. After explaining everything to the nurse, she thought it best that Allie be seen that night to be evaluated. That made me a little nervous, as I was under the assumption that all babies had that breathing issue from time to time - you know, where you have to blow in their faces to get them to take a breath. At least I remember all babies, that I've ever been around, doing it.

So we take her in, they examine her, and decide that she needs to go to the hospital to be evaluated over night. Deep down I knew she was just fine, and that everything was going to be OK, but it made me nervous! We went back home to pack our things and then headed up to the hospital.

We were staying in the pediatric unit, and man was that scary! It was just weird to be in that little isolated room with a crib that looked like a cage. The nurses were amazing, and it really wasn't that bad, but it was still really weird. I've only ever seen that stuff on TV. Then to see the other kids, walking the halls with their IV's in tow - it just made me thankful that we were only there as a precaution and for observation.

They had her hooked up to an apnea monitor and everything went great! It never went off the entire time we were there! So, we learned that she's not actually stopping breathing, she's just holding her breath. Well, actually, I knew that and told the Dr. that from the get-go, but she wouldn't listen. Oh well, it's better to be safe than sorry, right? I had no issue with her being there or having any of this done.

They wanted to do an upper GI on her, but that required her going without food for 6hrs and without her gas drops or Zantac for her reflux. I wasn't going to let my baby be hungry, with gas, and pain from her reflux on topin of that. She's only a month old for crying out loud!
The Dr. was fine with my decision to forgo the upper GI, but then wanted to write her an Rx for Reglan.

Now, all she said to me was, "There can be a small side effect. It just causes the muscles to stiffen a bit." Excuse me? Anything that is going to make my baby girl's "muscles stiffen" does NOT need to be in her little body! Thankfully I had my laptop there and was able to get online and do my own research on Reglan. Quite frankly, I'm appauled that they are even allowed to prescribed that shit to anyone - let alone BABIES!!! I was furious!

*Go ahead and google it or search what the women on BBC say* - I assure you you'll be just as upset as I was!

So, needless to say we didnt' get that Rx filled! It was torn up and thrown in the trash. It just proves my theory that you CANNOT trust Dr's 100%. I never have and I never will. She's my child, and they can recommend all they want, but when it comes down to it, I decided what her care will be and what medicines she will or will not be on.

Her follow up appointment went great, and even the Dr. we saw today said there was no reason for her to be on Reglan at all. She said she has prescribed it to children, but only as a last ditch effort when nothing else can control their spitting up/reflux to the point to where they aren't thriving. She said she has had a lot of kids have reactions to it.

So for now, we're doing things the way I'm comfortable with here at home. She will get her Zantac (I'm working on getting the non-alcohol brand), a bit of Mylanta when she has flair ups, and the occasional chamomile tea or gripe water. She seems to be doing great on that regimen! She's a much happier baby and doesn't seem to be in so much pain anymore! Thank God!

Today, at 5 weeks old, my little chunky monkey weighs 10lbs 10oz and is almost 23"!! She's definitely growing, and her reflux is obviously not affecting her ability to thrive! Basically, my breast milk is the shit! :)

Here's our beautiful little girl at 5 weeks!

Oh and I also bought the angelcare delux monitor for my own peace of mind at home. It was very comforting to have her hooked up to that monitor at the hospital. I slept so much better knowing that if anything happened, I would be woken up!
We had the monitor on last night and I LOVE it!!! Although, I forgot to shut it off when I took her out of her bassinet to feed her. I went downstairs and about 5 seconds later, heard this really loud alarm going off. Oops! At least I know it works though :)

My poor baby :(

Allie will be a month old this week! I cannot believe it! It honestly feels like she was just born a few days ago! Before I know it, she's going to be 6 months! Ahhh!!

The mystery of her tummy troubles is deepening. At first I thought gas, but after trying ever trick in the book and her not getting that much better, I started wondering about my diet. So, for the past week I have tried my hardest to call ALL dairy and dairy ingredients out of my diet. She seems to be a little more comfortable since I did that, but she's still in some sort of pain.

Tonight it hit me. Acid reflux. UGH!

Aiden had it, but he had it worse. He was projectile vomiting green stuff allll of the time. Allie does spit up quite a bit, but it's only been projectile a hand full of times. On top of spitting up, she whimpers randomly while eating, wiggles and arches her back before bursting out in random cries during and (mostly) after eating. I noticed tonight too, that by the end of the feeding she is clenching her fists.
Now, at first, I thought it was the cutest thing. She'd clench them and then bring them up to her chin or hold them down by her side. It was cute until I found out it can be a sign of reflux.

My poor little girl is in pain!! :(

I hate that it took me 4wks to think of this! That just means that the poor darling has been in pain after eating for 3 weeks!

I'm setting up a Dr. appointment tomorrow to have her looked at. I'm hoping they don't do an upper GI on her! Aiden had that done and the barium drink made him SO constipated. I remember him pooping out a white brick-like substance, and his little bottom was bleeding from straining so hard. I don't want to put her through that, but I'm not sure if there is any other way for them to test for reflux. It's not fool proof, I do know that! Because, they could just not be refluxing at the time. That's what happened with Aiden. They did the test, but it showed no reflux.
However, the ped was confident enough that he had it to order in a prescription of Zantac. Man, was that stuff awful! Blech! But it worked, and if I have to do it for Allie too, I will.

I just want her to feel better!! It kills me to think that she's so uncomfortable!

Getting out!

Yesterday was tough, but today seems to be a little better. Probably because I actually let myself cry yesterday. I've been so stressed with Chev gone, Allie's tummy issues, trying to keep this house in order, and trying to control an unruly 4.5yr old, I just couldn't hold it in anymore.

I don't necessarily believe I'm developing ppd - I think it's just the normal baby blues that most women get after giving birth. I mean, our hormones were out of whack to begin with, and now they're just trying to straighten themselves out again. It's slightly expected. I will keep an eye on it though, and won't hesitate to call my Dr. if I think there's a serious problem!

It's not really that I even feel depressed, just alone. It's weird.

My gf came over yesterday and that helped. Just to have that adult interaction helped tons! My mom is coming over today to sit with the kids for a few so Heather and I can go to lunch. I'm very much looking forward to it, but at the same time, I'm nervous. Allie never leaves my side, and I'm going to be leaving for about 2hrs! I trust my mom 110% with her, no questions asked, but it's still hard.

I'm going to feed her before we leave, so hopefully that will hold her over until I get back. If not, my mom is going to try introducing a bottle to her today. I figure it might work better for her to do it, because I've read that babies are more apt to take a bottle from someone other than their mother. Hopefully it goes well, because I think that would be a huge weigh lifted off of my shoulders!

And for Beth - Allie eats about every 2hrs, but it's only about 10-15 minutes on one side. Then I switch to the other the next time she eats. It's not bad at all. She isn't attached to my boob 24/7, but it's just that when I'm not cleaning or something, she's on there.

So basically, I feel like that's all I do every day. It's the routine that I hate!! I've never been a fan of routine, and it really gets me down when it's happening day after day. I know it will get better as she gets a little older, and we're able to take her more places.


PS -Beth had asked that question in her comment to my last post. LOL...that's where that came from

The baby blues....

Well, for starters, we had Allie's 2wk checkup yesterday (her due date!) and she's healthy as a horse! She weighed 8lbs 10oz, which is great! At two weeks they want them to at least be at their birth weight - she was 1lb over! She also grew an inch and is now 20".

She seems to be having some gas/pooping issues. I'm not sure which it is. She's still pooping about 2-3 times a day, but it seems like it's harder for her to get out. It comes out thicker at first and then the second bout is really watery. I know, gross, but that's how it is. Today, I got poop shot at me for the very first time. lol
The ped. recommended that I maybe cut out dairy from my diet and see how that works for her, so we're trying that. Hopefully it will work, because I miss my smiley, happy baby girl! She's still super good and happy for the most part, but there's a good majority of the day where she just seems absolutely miserable. It's stressing me out because I don't know what to do for her :(

Oh top of that, I've been feeling a little down. I know it's completely normal, but it sucks. Chev is gone from about 7am - 12:15am almost every day, so I'm basically doing this all alone. And with me breastfeeding, I feel like a prisoner. I've either got her or a pump on my boob and I feel like I can't do anything. I'm stuck in this house every day, almost all day long. It's just so hard.

It's very hard adjusting to having a newborn again. If Aiden were younger it wouldn't be bad, as I would already be used to it. But when you're basically starting all over, it's tough.

I'm happy for the most part, but I just feel like there's this dark cloud just waiting to come loom over me. I don't know what to do about it. Is this something that I just work through, and it will go away on it's own, or is it going to get worse?

Newborn smiles

Little Allie is now 9 days old! She's still doing wonderful, and I still couldn't have asked for a happier baby!

It's so sweet! I know newborns don't REALLY smile, and it's when they're sleeping most of the time, but there have been two times where she was wide awake, and just go the biggest, open-mouthed smile on her face. She was laying there on my lap, looking at the wall behind me and just did it. I can't even explain how absolutely adorable it was!!! Someone said yesterday (out of nowhere mind you), "Isn't it said that when newborns smile, they see an angel?". Obviously that hit me in a way that it wouldn't hit your "normal" new mom. I instantly thought of Cameron and Allie's smiles the day before. Honestly, that was the first thing that went through my head when I saw her smile that day. I instantly wondered if babies can see things that we can't, and if Cameron's presence had touched her at some point. I'll never know for sure, but I can be happy in thinking that that's what happened. :)

She's still only waking about twice a night to eat, and really only cries when she's hungry. She's just an absolute darling!! It's still hard with Chev being gone all of the time. He's got a lot of concrete jobs coming in, so he leaves around 7am, does concrete until it's time for his other job, heads off to there, and then doesn't get home until 12:15 at night. Of course all of these concrete jobs had to start coming in only days after having Allie. He had gone the entire Summer with a job here and there, but then gets slammed with them the worst time possible.

Well, I need to get some laundry and stuff done while Allie is sleeping. Just thought I would jump on and give everyone a small update.

I'll leave you with a few 1 week picture!

Allie's 1st appointment

We had Allie's first Dr. appointment on Friday.

Everything looks great! She weighed 7lbs 8oz, so I have no doubt that she will pass her birth weight in a week! She was 7lb 10oz at birth, and I'm not sure what she was when we left. They never told me!!

She's a petite little thing! When she was born, we all (including the nurses) guessed 6-something. I was floored when they said 7lb 10oz!!! I don't know where she puts it!

Barely any of her newborn stuff fits her! She's been able to wear a couple of outfits, but for the most part, she stays in her little gowns. They're comfortable and making diaper changing easy, so I can't complain. I just hate how they bunch up all of the time, lol.

Her sleeping is great and she's still doing awesome with breastfeeding! I've even been able to start pumping to get some saved up for when I got back to work and/or school!
She wakes up twice a night. Typically around 2:00-3:00, eats, is awake for about an hour, and then doesn't get up again until 6:00-7:00. I can't complain at all!!

With Aiden, he was up about every 2hrs! Breastfeeding didn't go all that well with him, so I was a little nervous this time around.

...Sounds like she's waking up! She passed out around 7:15, and it's going on 11:00 now. You can imagine what my boobs feel like, seeing as how I'm used to her eating every 2-3hrs. LOL..yup! she's up! I can hear her in there sucking on her fists, lol

Where did this week go!?

I can't believe Allie will be a week old tomorrow! It seems like we just brought her home yesterday! I don't like this!! lol

We've been having such a great time with her here at home! She's such a great baby and such a joy to be around. I just stare at her and smile and get the most amazing sense of happiness that runs through me. I look at her and I wonder if she has any features that Cameron would have had. The chubby cheeks were a give-in. LOL...we just make chubby-cheeked babies, and that's how it is.

Her lips kind of remind me of his. I kiss them all of the time.

I just can't explain what it feels like to have her here, and know that she's our blessing from our little angel. I don't even know how to begin thanking him for her. With his passing, her life was made possible. How do you really "thank" someone for that?

I don't think I really have to say much. He sees inside my heart and he knows the amount of love I have for all 3 of my children. And what my words can't express, he sees inside of me. He knows. He just does.